Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's shark week go big or go home
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
