I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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