Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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