Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize