...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
