How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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