I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
