I looked at my own cervix.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize