Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
