I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
