Betty ford says i'm here all night
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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