I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
