I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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