He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
