Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
