How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have feelings that need drinking.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
