I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
