it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
