Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
