I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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