dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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