$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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