I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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