my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
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