Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize