I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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