she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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