At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
