I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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