making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
