you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
