I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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