Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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