had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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