woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
