Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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