Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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