I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
