I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize