Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
