Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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