Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
