it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
