I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
