North Korea, Best Korea!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
