i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
