No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
