Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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