I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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