Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
