My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize