I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
