sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
