A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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