Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
