Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
jump out the window naked night went bad
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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