From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we're making bets on your personal life
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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