Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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