shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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