yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
