i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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