i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
