i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
