I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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