now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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