My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
