Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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