Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
