Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize