Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
