I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Please, let me fuck your mom
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
