In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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