You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
