And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
