He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
