He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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