Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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