i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize