Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
there's paper in my vomit.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
