if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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