How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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