Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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