i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
