is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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