Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There r osticjed everywhere
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
