Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
