What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
