I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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