I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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