so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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