I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
