when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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