Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
